I was a sophomore when I switched from a B.M. in performance degree path to a B.A. in music. I knew I wanted to be a musicologist, and the decision gave me more flexibility to take classes that would prepare me for grad school. As a result, my horn-playing obligations were decreased…but only slightly. Despite the lightened recital load, I was still active in ensembles and taking two-credit-hour lessons.
So when I finally started that long-awaited M.A. in Musicology program, I was faced with a dilemma: I had too much freedom regarding how I played my horn moving forward. My degree only requires one ensemble credit, and I was able to fulfill that by playing in a horn choir that I probably would have signed up for anyway. But for the first time in my life, my practice schedule wasn’t being ruled by lesson, orchestra, wind symphony, or jury repertoire. And the abundance of choices was kind of paralyzing.
The thing is, I have a feeling that I’m not the only person who has gone through this. Most undergraduate music programs have pretty strict ensemble requirements, regardless of the exact major. Graduate programs in non-performance music degrees, however, require significantly less in the way of ensemble and lesson credits.
So how did I respond to this newfound freedom?
By still overthinking it.
Honestly, it’s April, and I feel like I’m just now hitting my stride. I went through different periods of definitely overdoing it and definitely not doing enough to truly accomplish anything. But now, I am SO thankful that I had time to experiment.
Re-evaluating your relationship with your instrument is a highly personal process. If you're reading this and feel like you're going through the same thing, I can’t tell you exactly what’s going to work for you. Everyone has to figure that out themselves. But today, I want to share just a few things I’ve learned over the past few months, in hopes that maybe they can help someone.
First, give yourself grace.
Honestly, this applies to starting any new program in general. It’s going to be an adjustment. You won’t have everything figured out immediately, and that’s okay. You can’t beat yourself up. Ever.
If you’re going to prioritize anything, prioritize fundamentals.
This is may be just the horn player in me, but if you are going to make a daily commitment to anything, make it a fundamental routine. If I don’t do that daily, I quickly find that there’s not much of a point in trying to do anything else because my face gets messed up.
Of course, fundamentals can be kind of boring, so do whatever you need to do to make it fun. I’m a long-time fan of Dr. Lanette Lopez Compton at Oklahoma State, and I’ve been doing my own version of her Drop the Beat warm up for years. Long tones are more interesting when Taylor Swift is singing along with you!
Focus on whatever matters most to you right now, long term and short term
Trying to figure this out has been a challenge. I don’t want a performance career, but I do want to freelance and gig within a reasonable capacity while I'm teaching and doing research. I had to figure out what steps would help me move in that direction. Right now, it’s improving my air usage and tone quality. That’s my main focus every time I pick up the horn, whether it be for my daily routine, an optional lesson, or horn choir.
When challenges arise, learn to pick your battles
Last semester, I got really sick. Like, so sick that even after I was cleared to go back to class, I was running out of breath from doing literally anything. It took a little while for me to even attempt to play the horn again.
If I were a performance major, I probably would have handled the situation differently. I probably would gone to the doctor and worked with him on a recovery strategy in hopes of getting back on the horn sooner. But the fact remains, I’m a musicology student. Classes were my first priority, and I was struggling to even give those the effort they deserved. Sometimes, your instrument may need to take a back seat while you deal with a big problem, and that is okay! Just make sure that you communicate with your teachers, classmates, etc. as needed.
Learn new things
Being in an academic music program, whether it’s musicology, music therapy, or something else, can be a great opportunity to try things you otherwise wouldn’t be able to do. This year, I started learning natural horn for the first time. It’s one of those period instruments that only some hornists take the time to learn. I was skeptical about trying at first, but it has actually improved my technique and my aural skills. If you get a chance to do something new, be it a period instrument seminar or a world music ensemble, take it!
Trying to navigate grad school for the first time is already a journey, and everyone needs time to figure out how to navigate it. I’m glad I’ve continued playing my horn, because doing so has been a great lesson in giving myself grace and figuring out what I want in this season of life. And better yet, I still feel like I'm improving as a hornist. Quantity of practice may have decreased, but the practice sessions I have been having are much more efficient. Sticking with your instrument doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing ordeal. You don't have to throw it away OR keep pace with the performance majors that are practicing for hours upon hours every day. Be mindful of your own goals, and you'll do just fine!
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